I'm a good mom to an in tact family. The children are 9 and 6. Usually common sense parenting is a no brainer for me and I know what to include and what they don't need to know based on age appropriateness. This is new territory and it's an immediate family member, so I don't want to exclude what they need to know, but to be too inclusive will only horrify them. How would you explain open heart surgery to children that young?
Parenting - 12 Answers
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1 :
i would tell them that the family member has a bad heart and the doctors are going to try to fix it.
2 :
Just tell them that who ever it is is sick and they need to go to the hospital so the doctor can make them better and that they will need to stay in the hospital for a few days and then get lots of rest after.
3 :
i wouldnt tell them if they will notice the absence of this person then just say they have a bad or poorly heart and are going to the doctors over night or for how ever long after the operation tell them only if its good news. if there heart will still be a problem dont tell them about it dont tell them about th operation before hand, itl just worry them.
4 :
Tell them, Daddy is going to have his broken heart fixed, so he can live a long and healthy life. Don't go into what they will be doing, just glorify it for them. Do tell them he will be cut, as that may freak them out, seeing his stitched up front (if Hubby is like mine, and parades around). Especially if they see him over the next day or two after the surgery, explain that the machines are helping him. I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
5 :
My uncle was diagnosed with congestive heart failure - he is only in his 30s. What we told his kids - 7 and 12 - Daddy's heart isn't working like its supposed to. The doctors are working on it to make it better. Just like when you broke your arm. Remember going to the doctor? How he fixed it. Thats whats going on with daddy. We have had to answer more questions from the older one than the younger one. i don't know if that is helpful or not. Either way I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts. I wish you well.
6 :
I think you need to be open and explain everything. Explain exactly what is wrong and how they are going to fix it. Explain the recovery process and when Daddy will be better. Explain what Daddy is going to be like and what will be different when he comes home. Explain in a way that doesn't include the fear of losing Daddy. Most kids are not going to equate surgery with being risky or a chance of not surviving and that is a blessing. I tried to keep my kids sheltered from their Dad's injuries and how bad they were. When he came home and couldn't walk or feed himself my kids had serious adjustment issues. They couldn't sleep by themselves without nightmares. They woke constantly to be reassured Daddy was still there. They suffered in school, and became clingy. I watched all 3 slowly work through their own depression due to what happened. We ended up hiring a family counselor to come into our home to help work through the changes with our children and it was a long tough road. I thought sheltering them was the best plan because of I was afraid of them being horrified and not understanding. In other words I didn't give them enough credit.
7 :
as much as they ask, this is a good chance to educate them & I would fear that if you hide facts that it may breed mistrust. my heart is with you and your husband.
8 :
First of all, you have my prayers for your family member. I wish them a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. I've always tried to keep the medical explanation to terms they can understand. While your 6 yr old may only need to know that Grammy has to go to the hospital to have an operation and that they're going to put a bandaid on her heart, but that the doctors are going to try and make her all better; your 9 yr old may need some more details and reassurance. Telling them that Grammy's heart is sick and isn't working right so the doctors want to go in and fix it is a good start, but they may need more assurance that the doctors are going to do everything they can to make sure that Grammy gets through this alright and that she heals very soon. At that age, they are beginning to understand what surgery means and that it can lead to death, so be prepared to answer the inevitable "will she die?" However, keeping the conversation as simple as possible will help you the most. Once you start getting those blank stares, go back and try & explain them in a simpler way (ie: "Grammy's heart needs fixed" as opposed to "Grammy has heart disease"). I tried to find some sites or articles online that would help you, but everything I typed in was either about helping a child deal with their own upcoming surgery or dealing with Mommy's plastic surgery (ugh!). I've listed a site below that talks about helping a child when a parent is sick & in the hospital. I hope it helps.
9 :
Hi Mozz. I'm very sorry that you are in this situation and I hope everything works out great for your husband. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. As for your question, I agree w/ the first answer. Short and sweet. They are 6 and 9 so you can throw in a little more detail but not too much. Let them know it's serious but keep it simple. Good luck
10 :
hey mozz. i agree with everyone else that a very simple "he's sick and the doctors are going to fix his heart to make him better," is the way to go. adding in as much detail as you can about what to expect during his recovery, or when they see him in the hospital what he'll physically look like. so i have nothing useful to add. but i thought i'd violate the guidelines and answer anyway just to wish you guys well. come back and tell us when he's better.
11 :
I personally would keep it simple. Yes, they DO need to know and you already know that, but how much.......that is the question. I would probably handle it something like this,"So and So is going to have his heart fixed by the doctors tomorrow (or whenever). His heart is sick, kind of like when you get sick, so the doctors are going to try to make it better". Just simple. I would answer any questions they had, but not with too much detail. just me...... Good luck, praying for y'all.
12 :
Well, going back 50 years, or so, and recalling similar episodes while growing up... if memory serves, it's very difficult for kids to fully understand what's really going on. I think the best thing is to tell them that Dad is going to the hospital to get some important work done to him. Keep it simple, in other words. To them, it's nearly impossible to fully grasp the gravity of the situation. I know how tough it is for you, but there's no need to burden them with any details. Just tell them that everything will be okay and hope and pray that it will be. They will be just fine knowing that mom is confident that everything will be okay (even if she isn't all that confident)... know what I mean?
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