How to cope with a loved one close to your heart (In my case, My Dad), to Heart Disease?
I just found out that My Dad, is having a Heart Bypass Surgery on Thursday, March 25 @ 6:30 am. I'm not ready for this or for My Dad to leave yet. But if IT does come that time, how am I suppose to take it, because as for me, I'll be SO ANGRY @ the world. My Dad kept this from me for 3 years. And his heart has just been taken for the worst.
Heart Diseases - 2 Answers
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1 :
First of all, you need to take a deep breath. Your Dad's surgery isn't about you, its about him. So do not let it consume you, let how you're going to help him recover become what you think about most; NOT the what if's. Consider how you're going to help him get through his rehabilitation, maybe even offer to walk with him. He's got a long road ahead of him, and he needs your help. You might even take a look at your Dad's cupboards, and fridge, and throw out anything high in sodium, fat, cholesterol, and replace it with healthier alternatives. The hospital should be able to give you some information on how to read labels, and alternatives that they approve of. Salmon is a great food he should begin to eat several times a week. Mrs. Dash is a very flavorful way to safely season food without extra fat, or sodium. Avoid anything hydrogenated. No more fast food, or processed food (frozen dinners, canned soups/meat, dinner kits, hamburger helper is all processed, and if you look at the labels its very high in fat, cholesterol and sodium). Now is the time to eat whole, fresh foods. Allow yourself to be positive, do not think "What if Dad doesn't make it?," think instead "Dad is going to be okay, they caught it early enough that he should be okay." The best way to make you feel better is to get educated. Go to the library before your Dad's surgery, pick out some books about Heart disease and cooking Heart healthy (you'll find out its really easy!) to read while he is in surgery if you are able to be at the hospital there during it. Learn about your father's condition, and how you can help him. Believe me, he will need your support afterward.. even if he doesn't realize it right now. And your father seems like a proud man, to have not told you about his heart issues before, so he will still not want to bother you with his needs.. but you need to insist, and try to enjoy helping your Dad as much as possible. Keep positive, it will go a LONG way. Be prepared for your Dad to even get depressed. My father did after his surgery, he had six bypasses done, and one in his leg. So keeping positive, and allowing your father to do things at his pace will help him a lot. If your father takes the needed steps he can actually live so much longer, and he can be healthy! This is your father's second chance, encourage him (but don't bully him) into taking it. In the end, its his choice to take the second chance or to squander it. If your father smokes, this is a GREAT opportunity for him to stop. Because he cannot smoke in the hospital, so he can come off of his addiction like this. He can ask for medication to help him while he's at the hospital (he can ask for a lot of things in the hospital, so now is the time to make use of that resource, they can really help to educate him and your family), and he can ask for counsel from a doctor specializing in such things. But in the end, you have to remember: ITS HIS CHOICE TO DO THIS. Its his choice to eat better, exercise (he should start walking as soon as the rehab nurse tells him to, and build up to a good 30 minutes a day, at least 3 times a week.. more if he can) and its his choice to make positive changes to his life to make the most of his second chance. The world didn't do this to your Dad. So don't get angry at the world. Get proactive for YOUR heart health, and your father's. And this is an important time to consider yourself: Do not let yourself get run down, you need to eat and drink as usual.. you need to make sure you're sleeping enough. You don't want to end up in a bed next to your father, because the stress of that could hurt his recovery. Think positively: Your Dad will be okay, and he will take this second chance, and you and your family can all help him in doing that. But if the worst does happen, don't hate the world. Go seek a counselor for Grief counseling. Find a local support group. And allow yourself to grieve, most people don't do this.. and they grieve far too long. I'm still grieving from the loss of my mother, and its been 17 years in June. I never got the help I needed, and I know I'm messed up from it. I was only 12 when she died, and I didn't have the skills to cope. No one does, that is why we have grief counseling, and why its SO important. And lastly, find ways to honor your father every day. Whether its following the ethics he tried to follow all his life, if its doing service for others, or just being a better person.. you have so many wonderful ways to keep your father in your life, and make the example he set for you shape your life. And he set an example with his heart too! You have a second chance now, too. See your doctor, get yourself checked out (cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.), learn to eat better, if you smoke; stop, if you do drugs; stop, and exercise! Do this even if everything goes as planned with your Dad, show your Dad how you have learned from him.. he'll be so proud of you. Good luck, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
2 :
I like RavenMun's answer. I might add that your dad should be involved in any decisions you make about how he lives his life. He will need your moral support, and physical support for a time. Depending on the extent of the surgery and complications, if any, he will have a recovery time of several months. I am sure his doctor(s) will caution him on all the changes he has to make in his life. It will be a physical and emotional shock to him so he will need your support. The surgery he is about to have is one of the most common operations performed. Tens of thousands of these operations are performed every year. In his favor, this means most cardiac surgical teams have a lot of experience with this type of operation. All you can do is be there for him when he needs you. I wish him a speedy recovery. Take care
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